Yesterday Ryan and I went on a date. Yeah, we went on a date on a Monday and in the middle of the day! I took the day off and he took a half day and we went to Action for Happiness‘ Creating a Happier World event. Action for Happiness is an organization that works to create and encourage a happier and more caring society. The Creating a Happier World Event was about ways to put that mission into practice. It was a full afternoon event and featured a number of different speakers, but mostly notably we heard from the Dalai Lama.
The event was held at Lyceum Theatre here in London, which is where they do the Lion King. It’s a gorgeous, very ornate theatre with tiny, somewhat uncomfortable seats. Although after sitting for a long time, what theatre seat doesn’t become uncomfortable? The afternoon started with a few accounts from people whose lives had changed after becoming involved with Action for Happiness and their course – and then shortly thereafter we heard from the Dalai Lama. I thought it was cool he was early in the program. Usually the most noteworthy person is left until the end, but it was great the Dalai Lama was early because then his opinions, advice, and words got to be a part of later conversations. If the Dalai Lama had been last we would have heard what he had to say and then left. With him going first we got to think about it, talk to each other, and ask questions.
It’s a little hard to just write about everything that I heard from or noticed about the Dalai Lama, so I thought I’d keep this closer to a list, with some bolded words so you can get the highlight. First, my impressions.
- The Dalai Lama is funny. The whole event was about happiness, and it’s clear there’s joy in his life and that he gets joy from sharing that with others. During his hour-and-a-half conversation with Lord Richard Layard, His Holiness made jokes, silly faces, and stuck out his tongue (more than once). My expectation was that he’d been more… serene? …serious? I don’t know. He’s a man with a lot on his mind, for example there were protesters against him outside the building loud enough that we could still hear them inside, and yet he addressed it all with good humor. He talked a lot about compassion, treating others with affection, and finding exchanges that are difficult or frustrating to be opportunities to change your thinking.
- The Dalai Lama is soft spoken. Honestly, sometimes it felt hard to hear and to understand him. Alternatively, I think being soft spoken was an excellent was to create an atmosphere of stillness and attention. In a theatre of about 2,000 people everyone was quiet, listening, focused. Throughout the afternoon there was talk about cultivating attention and being mindful of the moment, and I think being soft spoken helped me practice that.
- The Dalai Lama is human. Obviously. But I think a lot of times noteworthy people are built up to be something other. Think about politicians who cultivate a persona and can’t give a straight answer. Or celebrities who always have to look thin and beautiful. I found the Dalai Lama to be surprisingly relatable. When asked how to solve the mental health crisis, he said, “I don’t know.” He went to say more, but I like that he didn’t have to have all the answers. When asked how he deals with loss and personal suffering he said, “first I lose my self control.” Again, he went on to say more but I loved that because it’s true of everyone. And at the end he said he was tired and was looking forward to going home, having a shower, a cup of tea, and then getting on a plane to America.
The second portion of the day we got to chat a bit to the people we were sitting near about what stuck with us from the first part of the day. It’s a bit cheesy, but I liked hearing what resonated with strangers. Primarily though, the second half of the day was a panel discussion where participants talked about happiness in science, education, and in our communities. Everyone was interesting in their own way, but I was particularly taken with Anthony Selden (second from the right above) who is the school master for Wellington College. He spoke about how today’s methods of schooling are outdated, how there’s a focus on grades and graduation over what kids need and how they should learn, and he talked about how there’s a lack of stillness in school. First of all, I love hearing passionate educators talk and I love hearing about education reform. Additionally, I believe that learning should be fun and I loved how he spoke about letting kids have time to be still. It’s something I wondered about when I worked at Live It Learn It. You know, is there a place for yoga or breathing exercises in experiential education? I think so, but I didn’t find the answer then. At my current job I’m not sure how I could incorporate this idea, but it’s something I’d like to think about further.
I also really loved Matthiew Ricard (far right in above photo), a Buddhist monk who spoke about altruism. During a discussion about video games, and creating those that teach valuable skills, he made a joke that there should be a game called “the Great Hospital,” where you tend to characters injured from other video games. I picture that as such a visually interesting mishmash of characters from worlds like Mario, Call of Duty, and Minecraft.
He also led a short meditation. What I loved was that he said meditation doesn’t have to be a big practice that takes lots of time. It can be just 10 seconds to think about sending someone love and compassion. He said try to do it six times a day, or just once an hour. I like it as an idea because those 10 seconds are likely to make me feel happier and better and maybe that positive mood can spread.
It was a very cool day and a unique experience. I want to end with four takeaways I had from the day. They are just things that resonated with me and that I’d like to try to incorporate and remember going forward.
- Happiness is a choice. What I learned from the day is that happiness is an action. I get to choose how I react to things, how I treat things and people, and how I enjoy things. I can choose to wallow, or feel wronged, or stay annoyed. I can choose to be a victim and say “the world (or whatever) is doing this to me.” Alternatively, I can choose to have agency in my own life and get over things, move on, and see silver linings and so be happy.
- I can train myself to think differently about things. This is something I really want to work on. For example, think about commuting to work. I often get annoyed by people walking slowly. I can train my brain to let it go, to think that it’s an opportunity for me to slow down in my own life, and to try to be compassionate to other people and how they need to exist in the world. Mostly I need this at work. I’ve had a rough summer and have felt so angry at visitors, my managers, and the museum as a whole. It’s for me to change how I think about things, to find new ways to enjoy myself, and to figure out how to find happiness at work.
- It’s ok to show anger when it’s going to benefit the other person. This might sound totally crazy, but hear me out. It’s ok to be angry if by being angry you let the other person know that they have hurt you, and thereby they will feel compassion and maybe change the behavior. The Dalai Lama gave the example of a naughty child saying that it’s ok to display your anger so they know what has gone wrong. And then presumably from there the child would learn what is positive and kind behavior. Anger sometimes is an outlet for the person that’s angry, but who does that help? I like that maybe anger could be helpful.
- Try out 10 second meditations throughout the day. I really liked this idea a lot. I like that it gives me some time to be still during the day while also thinking more positive thoughts. I think it’s great to think positive thoughts toward other people too.We tried it out in the theatre and so initially I thought of Ryan and my family. But then later when Ryan and I were walking to get bubble tea I thought about the guy blasting his car horn as he tried to navigate rainy traffic. He seemed like he needed some love. Then at night when I was reading headlines I thought about Joe Biden. I feel sad about the loss of his son, so I thought he could use some good vibes too. It’s random, but I liked it. Possibly the best outcome of all of this is that even though I’m in my own head, I feel like I’m getting outside myself and thinking more about the well-being of others.
It was a cool day and I hope to keep it. Hope you’ll find something interesting in this post that you might want to use too.
